RELATIONSHIPS
Creating A Positive Friend Network
Finding positive people who care
The old cliché: life is like a half-full glass of water. We’re told all the time to focus on the half that’s full — to be positive.
Unfortunately, our brains don’t seem that good at doing it.
Whether it’s your best friend's recent breakup, a bad day at work, or the spread of COVID-19, negative feelings or topics tend to take centre stage.
I should point out that I’m by no means a pessimist, but I will acknowledge the fact that I sometimes have to make a conscious effort not to be drawn into all the negativity.
People complain a lot
Complaining is something that’s hard-wired into our system. It’s a natural reaction to something we don’t approve of. Whenever we feel things are out of control, the first thing that comes to mind is to seek a solution from those around us — and so we complain.
It becomes an issue when we let complaints get the better of us. Getting sucked into a cycle of complaining every time things go wrong is easy, and can turn a person negative.
Sometimes, we need to take a step back and try to fix things before reaching out to others.
Now don’t get me wrong, I do my fair share of complaining. I’m actually proud of it; it’s my ability to communicate to those around me that I’m not comfortable with something. That in itself doesn’t make me perpetually dissatisfied, I share plenty of positive views as well.
It’s when complaints and negativity take over that things become an issue.
Regardless of how strong or long-lasting your ties to friends may be, few people want to be around a negative person.
To mention a couple of practical examples:
1 — You probably have more admiration for your coworker who always manages to sort things out, than for your boss who only complains.
2 — You probably won’t be going on a second date with that person who starts off by telling you how badly their ex treated them. It’s not that you’re not interested, but the topic just seems to overburden you.
Being Positive Is Contagious
My wife and I rarely fight. It’s not because we’re a perfect match, far from it — there’s a catalogue of things we don’t see eye to eye about (writing on Medium is one of them). What keeps us together is the fact that we’re both generally positive people (or at least try to be).
There is something to be said about the ability to laugh off disagreements. Sure, things bother us, but a positive mindset stops us from dwelling on them.
Being around someone positive will, in turn, make you a happier person. Positivity is contagious. Being married or engaged to someone who can see their troubles in a positive light tends to make disagreements a lot easier to tackle.
But What If I’m Single?
Glad you asked.
The same theory applies to a supportive group of friends.
I’m not suggesting you only hang out with lottery winners here. Sometimes you have to bring out the positive side of a person. It’s important not just to cut off negative people in your life. Being grateful and proactive towards those around you is just as important. Not only will caring for them make you happier, but it’ll also make them see their troubles in a different light.
Know someone who’s going through a hard time and isn’t handling it particularly well? Reach out to them. It may not be exactly how you planned to spend the afternoon, but you’re subconsciously helping out by being there and listening.
You’re setting an example of how to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Moral Of The Story
I tend to think an ideal friend network is one where I can have honest conversations. I will complain about things — it’s good to get worries out of one’s system. At the same time, I check myself to make sure all my views aren’t turning negative.
Not all my friends are positive from the get-go, sometimes it’s my care and attention that makes them see things in a different light. Everyone needs a helping hand once in a while.
A positive friend network means being surrounded by people who you can call on when you’re having a bad day. They’ll listen and will genuinely care, probably because you’ve been there for them before.
Caring, coupled with a positive mindset will ensure you’ve got a strong army of people backing you through life, no matter what it throws at you.